Many women in our culture are at first attracted to the so-called "bad boy." This is a man who may possess the qualities of being hard to get, mischievous, distant, deceitful, extremely good-looking, non-introspective, a partier, thrill-seeking, a rule-breaker, narcissistic, sexually promiscuous, a fighter, and potentially abusive. Women often find the bad boy irresistible because they enjoy the thrill of trying to catch and tame him. He is often much more alluring than the "nice guy," the "New Age Sensitive Male" type of man that women usually consider mere "just friends" material.
However, many women eventually realize that the bad boy isn't really what they want. They desire someone instead who is mature, more able to discuss his feelings, kind, reliable, and easy to talk to. But they want these qualities combined with what poet Robert Bly calls the archetypal "wild man." What are the qualities of the true wild man?
A wild man follows his own deepest passion, wherever it might lead. He is not bought out by society's opinion of him, social norms or corporate hierarchy. He is continually working to make his ego-self translucent to the Divine and to a higher purpose. This is a difficult task, requiring all of the warrior energy he can muster. The wild man is not afraid to take risks and to fail, at least momentarily. He loves to spend abundant time in Nature - hunting, fishing, backpacking, hiking, mountain climbing - for he finds in the wildness of the natural world a mirror of his own wildness.
He possesses a vivid imagination and uses it to build an innovative world view, a system or a product that will serve the good of all. He has a lively sense of humor, yet knows how to persevere in serious work. The wild man is not afraid to look within himself and to confront his own dark side. When he does contact it, however, he doesn't repress his darkest emotions but works instead to find the sacred present there.
The wild man is unyielding in his self-discipline. He loves sex, but is most interested in valuing sexual magnetism as a worthy end in itself, and delights in spreading the intensity of its sizzle to every arena of life, thus energizing all things with his presence. He is passionate with all his heart about some social or environmental issue, and uses transformed warrior energy to persist in making the world a better place.
Until men begin to embody the positive qualities of the wild man, women will continue to find themselves attracted to the next best thing - the bad boy.
Photo: A wild and blustery day in Rocky Mountain National Park, CO; February 16, 2013
