The other day, I watched a documentary about Deepak Chopra, filmed by his son. One of the points made by Chopra throughout the movie was the idea that the spiritual quest is inherently tied to the question: "Who am I?" The quest for the true self as an unchanging, unborn and undying reality seems to be at the crux of many Eastern paths, including the one Deepak Chopra is following.
Yesterday, hiking through the snow and mist up in the nearby mountains, I realized that for me, the true self is actually quite elusive and mysterious. As a Christian contemplative, I've found that "kenosis" - the Greek word for self-emptying - is perhaps the most important answer I can give to the question "Who am I?" The path on which I've been lead involves the practice of identifying with a spacious mind and heart, one in which both God - the transcendent source - and myself are LOST together in self-emptying bliss. Out of this vastness - a spaciousness whose other name is LOVE - all beings and all phenomena come popping out during each millisecond of time, like echoes of an unspoken Divine Word arising out of nowhere. Thus, the reality of the "true self" - here, at least - is more a mysterious space where all of creation can occur, than a reality in and of itself.
The path of Christian Mysticism also emphasizes another realization; namely, that the true self is innately RELATIONAL. In an interesting dialogue between Robert Aitken Roshi and Brother David Steindl-Rast (a Benedictine monk), Steindl-Rast quotes William of St. Thierry, who says: "What you can grasp gives you knowledge. What grasps YOU makes you wise." Aitken agrees, and goes on to quote Dogen Zenji, who exclaimed: "That the self advances and confirms the ten thousand things is called delusion. That the ten thousand things advance and confirm the self is called enlightenment." When we try to grasp at (or avoid) things, we are subconsciously trying to shore up the seeming solidity of the false self. However, when we allow those same things to grasp US (or to playfully push us away!) - that is, to grasp our awareness - we start to become who we are truly meant to be: a transparent "eye" through which all things can come to know and appreciate their own majesty and beauty.
That is definitely the case with my photography. It is not a matter of ME deciding to photograph this or that. Rather, those things - whether it be a mountain peeriing out of the mist, a snow-bedecked evergreen, or a wide-open sky - begin to grasp ahold of me (and my camera) in order to express and know their own beauty and goodness through my perception and appreciation! As Thomas Berry says: "The human is called to be the mind and heart of the universe." Here again, the true self is found in being emptied out into the world, where it serves as a vehicle for the Cosmos - and for the Creator and Mother Earth - to know and appreciate themselves.
There is, of course, a place for the ego in all of this. Although the goal is for the ego - i.e., the solid, bounded sense of self - to become translucent to the Greater Whole (to become "a transparent eyeball," as Emerson famously put it), it is NEEDED to help discern the unique ways in which WE are meant to serve this seeing. In other words, each of us is called to become a different lens onto the Whole. Each of us is meant to focus that "eye" on a different aspect of the cosmos. For me, that usually involves Western landscapes, contemplative insights, and an understanding of the various personality types we human beings manifest during our time here on Earth. For another person, the transparent lens may, for example, focus on those who are sick, in jail, oppressed, or poor. For another, the lens may focus on scientific or mechanical pursuits.
The temptation, of course, is to allow OTHERS to tell us how we should focus our gifts. The function of a strong ego is to form a boundary that says "No" to the intrusive expectations of others (and to our own superficial desires), and "Yes" to the true inner promptings that lead us into the ways in which we are meant to focus our own unique gifts. In fact, every contemplative I've ever known possesses a strong ego. They closely guard their space, possess intense discipline, and don't easily let others - or the society - intrude on their inner territory. But the ultimate goal, of course, is for this boundary-setting ego to become transparent to a vision on the Greater Whole.
May each of us discover the unique ways in which WE are called to serve as the vast, self-emptying love out of which all creation emerges, and as the one-of-a-kind lens through which the cosmos can become aware of its own great goodness and beauty!
Photos: (Top) Limber Pine trunk, with rock spires fading in and out of the mist, Emerald Lake; (Middle) Lodgepole Pine bedecked in snow; (Bottom) A rock, Bear Lake, and Hallett Peak. All three photos were taken in Rocky Mountain National Park (CO) on November 24, 2014
