Taking all of the blame is just as egoic as thinking we are "God's gift to the world."

Yesterday as I marveled at the multitude of "ice waves" spreading out on a beautiful subalpine lake, I suddenly received an insight into an issue I've been struggling with.

Often when there is a misunderstanding between me and someone else - or when I'm accused by someone of doing something wrong - I take all of the blame upon myself. This occurs especially with the experience of rejection, when I generally adopt the stance that the relational malfunction is all MY fault. However, it suddenly occurred to me that this attitude - although it may seem at the time to be noble and honorable - is actually quite egoic. To think that something is all MY fault is just the flip side of thinking that I am God's most important gift to the world. Both involve separating one's self out from the Whole, and in putting all of the emphasis on oneself.

In the context of rejection, I have a more adequate conception of the situation when I realize that while - on the one hand - I am perhaps perceived by the other person as being filled with flaws, on the other hand, they are also missing out on all that I have to offer. In any case, each of us is always part of a whole network of interwoven factors. We never stand alone. Like the multitude of ice waves on a mountain lake, we are all constituent parts of the situation. Here I'm reminded of a wonderful quote by the Dalai Lama. He says: "Guilt does not exist in Buddhist terminology. With the Buddha nature all negative things can be purified. Guilt is incompatible with our thinking, as you are part of an action but not fully responsible for it. You are just part of the contributing factor."

Photo: "Ice waves" on Dream Lake at sunset, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO, February 2, 2015

Transforming Our Experiences of Blame and Praise

In the previous post, I mentioned having a week in which I experienced instances of both blame and praise regarding myself and my work. There, I mentioned the fact that time spent in Nature helps facilitate the dissolving of these two seeming opposites into a vast spaciousness and seamless flow of Love.
However, I've discovered that there are other lessons to be learned as well from experiences of both blame and praise.

Whenever we experience blame, we have an opportunity both to learn from our mistakes (and take responsibility for them), AND to practice realizing that there actually exists NO separate self to shoulder the blame. Here, I find advice from the Dalai Lama incredibly helpful. "Guilt," he explains, "does not exist in Buddhist terminology. With the Buddha nature all negative things can be purified. Guilt is incompatible with our thinking as you are part of an action but not fully responsible for it. You are just part of the contributing factor." In other words, our mistake is part of a whole mosaic of mishaps, many of which have nothing to do with us. Here, we take responsibility for our part, and then let it lead us into the larger network of contributing causes to which it is connected. 

We can also use our experience of blame to practice compassion for others, especially when we realize that we are participating in the sense of self-hatred that is experienced by every other person on this Earth. When we work to heal our own instances of self-castigation, we are simultaneously helping heal a similar experience IN EVERYONE ELSE. From a theistic perspective, we are also given an opportunity to practice the maxim which states: "God writes straight with CROOKED lines." In other words, we begin to transform our mistake by looking for the amazing good that can come from it.

Similarly, with praise, we are invited to go deeper. Rather than getting hooked on the compliments we receive from others, we are invited instead to see them as a mere window or mirror through to a deeper sense of goodness that is much vaster than our own individual self. Here, I appreciate the term that Tibetan Rinpoche Chogyam Trungpa and his son Sakyong Mipham use: "basic goodness." They never refer to it as OUR basic goodness, as though it is a quality we can possess within our own individual self. Rather, it is a larger Reality - which they call "Buddha-Nature," or which a Christian might call "the Christ-self" - in which everything on Earth participates.
 

In this way, we can use both blame and praise to deepen our spiritual awareness and connect us to all other beings inhabiting this Earth.

Photos: (Top) A golden Cottonwood tree points us to the vast landscape beyond, with Greyrock looming on the horizon, Larimer County, CO, October 23, 2014; (Middle) A mosaic of ice patterns covers Lewis Lake, Snowy Range, WY, October 31, 2014;  (Bottom) Golden Cottonwoods are mirrored in Watson Lake, Bellvue, CO, October 28, 2014

Look at situations from all angles, and you will become more open.

"Look at situations from all angles, and you will become more open."

The Dalai Lama

Photo:  A Pasqueflower opens to the sun, with Greyrock in the background; Roosevelt National Forest, CO; April 6, 2013

If you wish to heal your own suffering, seek to heal the suffering of another.

"If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.  If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know they are safe.  If you wish to understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to understand.  If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another."

The Dalai Lama

Like these fire-roasted aspen trees, we are all injured in some way.  However, like the roots of these aspens, we are all interconnected.  When we help another in their suffering, our own suffering is lessened. For we are all one.

Photo: Fern Lake Burn, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO December 29, 2012

People rarely get angry if they are confident in what they are doing. Anger comes more easily in moments of confusion.

"People rarely get angry if they are confident in what they are doing.  Anger comes more easily in moments of confusion."

The Dalai Lama

Photo: Rocks and sky elicit a sense of confidence in me. Vedauwoo Recreation Area, Medicine Bow National Forest, WY; November 3, 2012

Faith is the supreme lake.

"Faith liberates you from suffering and delivers you to the city of peace and happiness.  It is faith that removes the mental turbidity and makes your mind clear.  Faith is the supreme lake because you can easily traverse from one stage of the spiritual path to another."

The Dalai Lama

Photo: Red sumac, golden cottonwood, and Horsetooth Reservoir; near Fort Collins, CO; October 21, 2012

People in Western society have an inclination to think in terms of black-and-white, and either-or. They tend to lose sight of the gray areas of life.

"Overall I have found much that is impressive about Western society.  In particular, I admire its energy and creativity and hunger for knowledge.  On the other hand, a number of things about the Western way of life cause me concern.  People there have an inclination to think in terms of 'black-and-white,' and 'either-or,' which ignore the facts of interdependence and relativity.  Between two points of view they tend to lose sight of the gray areas.  Also, with thousands of brothers and sisters for neighbors, so many people appear to be able to show their true feelings only to their cats and dogs."

The Dalai Lama

Photo: Shadowy rocks appear through the mist; Gem Lake Trail, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO; October 5, 2012

When we consider that everything we experience results from a complex interplay of causes and conditions, we find that there is no single thing to desire or resent.

"When we consider that everything we experience results from a complex interplay of causes and conditions, we find that there is no single thing to desire or resent and it is more difficult for the afflictions of attachment and anger to arise.  In this way the view of interdependence makes our minds more relaxed and open."

The Dalai Lama

Photo: Ice coats a spider web in a mountain-mahogany bush; Gem Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO; October 5, 2012

Consciousness has the quality of luminosity.

"Consciousness . . . has the quality of luminosity . . . The ultimate nature of mind is essentially pure.  This pristine nature is technically called 'clear light.'  "

The Dalai Lama

Photo: Multi-colored leaves backlit by late afternoon light; Gem Lake Trail, October 15, 2012.  Yes, the leaves REALLY ARE that vivid!

Suffering is overcome by bearing pain for others.

"When the Dalai Lama visited the United States in 1981, someone asked him, in a small audience, how it was that Buddhists have developed such a wonderful path for overcoming suffering, while Christians have been wallowing in their suffering for almost two thousand years.  The Dalai Lama responded by saying, 'It is not as easy as all that.  Suffering is not overcome by leaving pain behind; suffering is overcome by bearing pain for others.'  And that is one of those answers that is as Christian as it is Buddhist."

Brother David Steindl-Rast

Photo: Prickly-Pear cactus pads killed by the Hewlett Fire, translucent in the sunlight. Greyrock Trail, Roosevelt National Forest, CO; June 4, 2012. The fire was contained just two weeks ago.  Notice the new grass stalk.

Self-Hatred and the Dalai Lama

 

"Self-hatred is truly an epidemic in the developed world.  U.S. citizens have so much wealth, but they have a poverty of spirit.  There is a very revealing story about the Dalai Lama, who was meeting with a group of Buddhist teachers from the United States and Europe.  One of the teachers said to him, 'A great obstacle to meditation practice of many of my students is extreme self-hatred.  What can I do about this?'  Apparently the Dalai Lama did not understand what the teacher was asking.  He had to have the question translated from English to Tibetan about three or four times.  Finally he asked, 'Why would anyone want to hate themselves?'

Spiritual practice will help you accept yourself as you are with your own particular quirks; it will also help you see the Buddha-nature within you - the unchanging part of you, beyond all quirks."

Diana Winston

"When I first heard the word self-hatred and was first exposed to this concept, I was quite surprised.  I found the possibility of someone hating themselves quite unbelievable . . . The antidote is seen in our natural Buddha-nature, the acceptance or belief that every sentient being, particularly a human being, has Buddha-nature.  There is a potential to become a Buddha.  Even such weak sentient beings as flies, bees, and insects possess Buddha-nature.  Then why not I?  Why can't I also become fully enlightened?"

The Dalai Lama

Photo: A honeybee explores my finger, Greyrock Meadow, Roosevelt National Forest, CO, October 23, 2009