Yesterday I had an extended retreat up in the
mountains. One of the things I wrestled with is the tendency that I -
and all of us - have to constrict around our views of what is right and
ethical. In my case, I'm currently wrestling with an
issue I consider a no-brainer - gay marriage as an inalienable right -
and with those family members who oppose it. This issue is especially
poignant right now because my youngest daughter, who is lesbian, is
getting married this weekend. For me, gay marriage is a matter of social
justice - the natural outcome of the women's movement and civil rights
movements.
However, the natural tendency is to CONSTRICT around my convictions rather than let them flow through me, work for justice, and then LET GO. I've discovered, in fact, that any time I obsess over what I'm convinced is right, this obsession - together with the sense of leaden solidity and tightness it brings - is actually a manifestation of the false self. Now - at age 55 - momentary elevated blood pressure is a major way my body has of telling me to STOP HANGING ON so tightly to what I'm convinced is right. After all, the true self - rooted as it is in God and in Sophia Wisdom - is vast, expansive, flowing and adaptable. It is also transparent rather than solid or leaden. So the lesson for me on my mountain retreat is this - it's OK to work for social justice issues, but I must remember this is not MY fight. Instead, it is a concern that belongs to the Divine who is present - in spacious, vast, transparent, non-egoic love - within me. I am meant merely to be a hollow bone. It's as though my life involves a working for change, but - surprise! - there is actually NO-ONE doing the work! No solid self, that is In other words, I must let go and be transparent, vast and expansive like the mountain landscape!
What I realized is this: I mustn't be tricked into focusing exclusively on the CONTENT of a thought or emotion, no matter how right I think it is. For if the thought or emotion is associated with a sense of constriction, tightness, solidity and angst, it is unfortunately being filtered through the false self! Besides - and this is important - it is actually GOD who is hiding within those with whom I disagree. God the Trickster, that is. And this God - present IN FULL within the person with whom I'm having a disagreement - is constantly working to teach me how to have a conviction, let go, become spacious and transparent, and FLOW!
Photo: Indian Paintbrush and Golden Banner, with Copeland Mountain in the background; Wild Basin, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO; June 23, 2014
However, the natural tendency is to CONSTRICT around my convictions rather than let them flow through me, work for justice, and then LET GO. I've discovered, in fact, that any time I obsess over what I'm convinced is right, this obsession - together with the sense of leaden solidity and tightness it brings - is actually a manifestation of the false self. Now - at age 55 - momentary elevated blood pressure is a major way my body has of telling me to STOP HANGING ON so tightly to what I'm convinced is right. After all, the true self - rooted as it is in God and in Sophia Wisdom - is vast, expansive, flowing and adaptable. It is also transparent rather than solid or leaden. So the lesson for me on my mountain retreat is this - it's OK to work for social justice issues, but I must remember this is not MY fight. Instead, it is a concern that belongs to the Divine who is present - in spacious, vast, transparent, non-egoic love - within me. I am meant merely to be a hollow bone. It's as though my life involves a working for change, but - surprise! - there is actually NO-ONE doing the work! No solid self, that is In other words, I must let go and be transparent, vast and expansive like the mountain landscape!
What I realized is this: I mustn't be tricked into focusing exclusively on the CONTENT of a thought or emotion, no matter how right I think it is. For if the thought or emotion is associated with a sense of constriction, tightness, solidity and angst, it is unfortunately being filtered through the false self! Besides - and this is important - it is actually GOD who is hiding within those with whom I disagree. God the Trickster, that is. And this God - present IN FULL within the person with whom I'm having a disagreement - is constantly working to teach me how to have a conviction, let go, become spacious and transparent, and FLOW!
Photo: Indian Paintbrush and Golden Banner, with Copeland Mountain in the background; Wild Basin, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO; June 23, 2014
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