While camping in the Pacific Northwest, I spent a lot of time contemplating an issue that has been bothering me of late. Here, I'll summarize the issue in a question: "What attitude should I take toward people I know and love who discriminate against a whole other group of people (including a family member) who are different than they are? After letting my position be known to those with an opposing view, do I need to put up a relational wall, or should I carry on with the relationship, trusting that THE DIVINE will speak to their hearts about the issue, convincing them they do indeed need to change?"
After quite a bit of agonizing, I've come to the conclusion that I must adopt the latter position. After all, do I like it when OTHERS put up a wall against me when THEY believe I have an attitude that needs changing? Of course not! But then, of course, a little voice inside my head starts saying: "Oh, but YOU are the one who is right in this case!" This may be true, but those whom I love who hold the opposing view of course believe THEY are the ones who are right! After all, that is precisely the reason why there have been so many conflicts throughout human history. Each side always believes THEY are the ones who are right! The only solution, I believe, is - yes, to restate my position whenever the issue comes up in the future - but then to LET GO OF MY RESISTANCE TO THE PEOPLE I LOVE WHO HOLD THE OPPOSING VIEW. If there is to be any change in the heart of the other person, it must come from within them, not from me or from my ego.
However, there is a price to be paid for adopting such a live-and-let-live attitude. I sometimes imagine that in my relationship with others who take the live-and-let-live attitude with regard to MY shortcomings, I may never know whether THEY are being honest with me when they act as though I am OK, or whether they are actually having to work continually to reconcile themselves to MY flawed attitude. How do I know when they are being REAL with me, or when they are simply being tolerant of me, taking the moral high ground in moving beyond MY flaws? I really don't know. Thus, as with EVERYTHING in life, no matter what position we take, it will always contain a disadvantage, a shadow side. But then again, the nature of divine perfection is - I believe - never to be "right," but always to be in a state of growth and evolutionary flux in relationship to the Truth. In fact, in admitting that we are always at least partially WRONG, we are - paradoxically - actually IN THE RIGHT! For perfection is knowing that every position we take in life always possesses BOTH positive and negative aspects!
This of course does not mean that I should discontinue working to change the general societal attitude of discrimination that - I'm convinced - desperately needs to go. But in relation to those whom I know and love who hold the opposing view, I must learn to LET GO of my own sense of rightness. As the well-known slogan says: "To be kind is more important than to be right." This means I must practice kindness both towards those who are discriminated against (by working to change oppressive societal attitudes) AND at the same time practice kindness toward those whom I love who take the opposing view.
Some may of course accuse me of being wrong in taking this stance. So be it. I - and all of us - will ALWAYS be wrong no what position we take. I simply choose to take the position I believe also includes a small amount of "right" as well :) Ironically of course - and somewhat humorously - this is precisely the very attitude that those family members who oppose me ALSO take! Ah, what an interesting journey this life is :) The best thing to do, it seems, is to work for justice as we see it, practice kindness toward those who oppose us, and then leave the results to Something Bigger who goes beyond BOTH sides of the conflict :)
Photo: Stephen having a retreat at La Wis Wis Campground; Mount Rainier National Park, WA; July 24, 2014
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